Post #36 Behaviour (4) Ask the right questions, work out the message(s) and plan what to try.
Managing behaviour that feels challenging is not easy, particularly when a specific behaviour occurs frequently, has been going on for a long period of time and is intense. It is important to be aware at these times that a child or young person may be distressed and frustrated and so are you. This post focuses on ways to plan strategies for your son or daughter, based on your observations and using a problem-solving approach.
When you
are in the middle of a ‘storm’, both your child and you are not feeling good.
This is not the time to sit down and try to problem-solve. Do what you need to
do to keep everyone safe and to restore some semblance of calm. Don’t feel bad
if that means leaving your son or daughter to watch favourite apps, YouTube films, play computer games etc. Take a few minutes for yourself too. Strategies to manage
behaviours which have become challenging need some time to think, to figure out
the message (intended or not) and to plan ways to support your son or daughter
so that the behaviour is replaced by skills or strategies which have longer
term benefits.
Previous behaviour posts illustrated how the iceberg metaphor helps us to look below the waterline to try to understand why a specific behaviour is occurring. Observations of James are used again here to illustrate how you might plan meaningful strategies, based upon careful thinking about possible reasons and communication messages.
Observations of James:
As hand-biting is a self-injurious behaviour, you would want to reduce this as quickly and as much as possible. We can see from the observations that there are potentially multiple messages which hand-biting behaviour is communicating. There are therefore multiple strategies which may (or may not) be helpful. At this point, use your observations and 'gut feeling' to pick out which is the most likely message James (or his behaviour) is trying to communicate or choose a message that, if her were able to communicate more successfully, could reduce the need to bite his hand. The example below illustrates the types of strategies you could try, based on observations and possible communication messages:
I have highlighted specific 'messages' which could be the focus for trying strategies. In this example, ruling out pain would be the first priority. When this has been ruled out (or addressed), select 1 message and strategy/ies to try. Remember, these are not magic! You will need to teach how to use the strategy and this may take some time. Speak with your child's teacher for advice and so you can be consistent with what your son or daughter is familiar with using at school. Aim to teach the new skill at a time when your child is calm, not when the behaviour is occurring as this is a time when they most likely feel distressed - none of us learn when we are upset, anxious, angry etc. Finally, decide how you will reward the new skill by reinforcing with activities that your son or daughter enjoys and/or finds relaxing.
My final post in this set of behaviour posts will offer some general tips for choosing and trying different strategies, with a focus on wellbeing.
Previous behaviour posts illustrated how the iceberg metaphor helps us to look below the waterline to try to understand why a specific behaviour is occurring. Observations of James are used again here to illustrate how you might plan meaningful strategies, based upon careful thinking about possible reasons and communication messages.
Observations of James:
As hand-biting is a self-injurious behaviour, you would want to reduce this as quickly and as much as possible. We can see from the observations that there are potentially multiple messages which hand-biting behaviour is communicating. There are therefore multiple strategies which may (or may not) be helpful. At this point, use your observations and 'gut feeling' to pick out which is the most likely message James (or his behaviour) is trying to communicate or choose a message that, if her were able to communicate more successfully, could reduce the need to bite his hand. The example below illustrates the types of strategies you could try, based on observations and possible communication messages:
I have highlighted specific 'messages' which could be the focus for trying strategies. In this example, ruling out pain would be the first priority. When this has been ruled out (or addressed), select 1 message and strategy/ies to try. Remember, these are not magic! You will need to teach how to use the strategy and this may take some time. Speak with your child's teacher for advice and so you can be consistent with what your son or daughter is familiar with using at school. Aim to teach the new skill at a time when your child is calm, not when the behaviour is occurring as this is a time when they most likely feel distressed - none of us learn when we are upset, anxious, angry etc. Finally, decide how you will reward the new skill by reinforcing with activities that your son or daughter enjoys and/or finds relaxing.
My final post in this set of behaviour posts will offer some general tips for choosing and trying different strategies, with a focus on wellbeing.
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