Post #42 Summertime tips: Staying Positive
Summertime can be exhausting, enjoyable but exhausting. It can be hard to keep yourself motivated, so this post offers some tips for keeping things positive at those times when you are feeling tired and energy levels are low.
Positive planning
Keep it as easy as possible! Plan 1 activity a day and keep it simple and enjoyable for you and your child/ren. Like this:
Plan for exercise
When we are tired, worn down and lack motivation, one of the best activities we can plan is exercise! Physical activity and exercise releases 'feel good' chemicals which give us a lift and can energise us. I have to say that when you are tired and worn down, exercise can feel like the last thing you want to do, but give it a go and see how it affects your energy levels and mood.
Even better, plan for exercise with your child/ren. Autistic children and young people often lead sedentary lives, even more so during periods of lockdown. They may not, for example, kick a ball at the park with friends but spend the majority of their time at home playing computer games, watching DVDs and so on. The less active they are, the harder it becomes to exercise and the harder it may become to motivate them to do anything. This can quickly spiral out of control and ultimately is not good for both their physical or mental wellbeing. So, use simple forms of exercise as part of your positive planning. For example:
OR 
Many of us exercised with Jo Wicks during lockdown - whilst there are no live PE lessons at the moment, try a 5 minute move activity and join in with your child/ren. Aim for 5 minutes each day, or alternate days and see how it affects your child/ren's and your mood and energy level:
Reach out to others & ask for help
Contacting others may be a useful way to de-stress and/or to enjoy yourself. A conversation can sometimes work wonders in helping to lift your mood. Having a shared moan can help keep things in perspective and even get you laughing! So phone a friend, meet up with a support group, join a forum on social media, whatever it takes to connect with others.
Finally, there is no shame in asking for help and sometimes others can help us to see things differently or may have good suggestions we could try. If you have nobody to turn to, contact a helpline, for example the National Autistic Society helpline: NAS helpline or look for a local organisation which offers advice and support.
Remember, you are good enough and if you fail (as we all do) you can try again tomorrow. The more you try to be positive the better you will feel.
Keep it as easy as possible! Plan 1 activity a day and keep it simple and enjoyable for you and your child/ren. Like this:
Plan for exercise
When we are tired, worn down and lack motivation, one of the best activities we can plan is exercise! Physical activity and exercise releases 'feel good' chemicals which give us a lift and can energise us. I have to say that when you are tired and worn down, exercise can feel like the last thing you want to do, but give it a go and see how it affects your energy levels and mood.
Even better, plan for exercise with your child/ren. Autistic children and young people often lead sedentary lives, even more so during periods of lockdown. They may not, for example, kick a ball at the park with friends but spend the majority of their time at home playing computer games, watching DVDs and so on. The less active they are, the harder it becomes to exercise and the harder it may become to motivate them to do anything. This can quickly spiral out of control and ultimately is not good for both their physical or mental wellbeing. So, use simple forms of exercise as part of your positive planning. For example:
Many of us exercised with Jo Wicks during lockdown - whilst there are no live PE lessons at the moment, try a 5 minute move activity and join in with your child/ren. Aim for 5 minutes each day, or alternate days and see how it affects your child/ren's and your mood and energy level:
Positive language with your children
It can be hard when we are worn out to remember to use positive language with our children. When we feel low we are much more likely to resort to nagging - 'no' & 'don't' might be what we say frequently and the more tired we get the more we use these negative instructions. 'Not' is a difficult word for some of our children to understand. When you say 'do not' or 'don't', it may be that your son or daughter does not know what they should do to replace 'don't'. Try to phrase instructions as positive 'to do', rather than what 'not to do'. The more you practise this, the more likely you will remember to use positive language when you are tired.
A nice way to help yourself to remember to use positive language is to make a poster to display somewhere you can see easily - better still, make a poster with input from your child/ren if possible. For example:
In this example, you are re-phrasing negative langauge to positive directions: don't stomp becomes walk; don't shout becomes quiet talking; don't leave your stuff everywhere becomes tidy toys. The poster reminds you to use positive language and to give 'to do' directions. Add visual cues (picture, symbols) according to your child's visual understanding.
Positive self-talk
In the same way that you change negative language to positives with your children, try to do the same for yourself. So often we beat ourselves up with regrets about what we should have done, or repeatedly tell ourselves that we are a bad parent, that we have done things wrong, that we are useless. We all use negative self-talk at times but when we are tired, stressed, worn down and frustrated there is a greater tendency to berate ourselves. Make a list of positive phrases which you could use for self-talk and practise re-phrasing negatives with positives. Keep your list on your phone or other device, or as a note in your pocket - whenever you catch yourself telling yourself off, check the list and replace that thought with a positive one. For example: I may not be perfect but I am good enough; I am trying really hard; I made a mistake, that's ok I can fix it, everyone makes mistakes.
Positive messages
Support using positive language by giving your child some positive messages everyday. Make this fun and/or rewarding for your child by writing a positive message on a post-it note and leave it somewhere for them to discover. Make a point of noticing when your child does something that you are pleased with or proud of. Their pleasure in finding the message will make you feel better about yourself too :) For example:
Encourage siblings to leave positive messages for each other. If you have a partner, leave them a positive message too. You might one day be surprised to discover a positive message for you!
Time for yourself to de-stress
This may be easier said than done, but it is so important to find time to de-stress. The less we are able to do this, the more we are likely to start the next day feeling low or lacking motivation. Everyone has their own way to relax or take a short break, do whatever it is that helps you to de-stress! If you have not found a way that works for you yet, experiment with different activities until you find something that helps. Try relaxation exercises (search the internet - there are lots of different ones), try using essential oils and find a combination that you like (perhaps when falling asleep); watch favourite tv or Youtube shows; learn something new, such as a language, makaton signing or yoga. The possibiltiies are endless and there is no right or wrong - the important part is to snatch some time for you to de-stress, especially when your mood is low and/or you are fatigued.
Contacting others may be a useful way to de-stress and/or to enjoy yourself. A conversation can sometimes work wonders in helping to lift your mood. Having a shared moan can help keep things in perspective and even get you laughing! So phone a friend, meet up with a support group, join a forum on social media, whatever it takes to connect with others.
Finally, there is no shame in asking for help and sometimes others can help us to see things differently or may have good suggestions we could try. If you have nobody to turn to, contact a helpline, for example the National Autistic Society helpline: NAS helpline or look for a local organisation which offers advice and support.
Remember, you are good enough and if you fail (as we all do) you can try again tomorrow. The more you try to be positive the better you will feel.
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